Norah, the world class scam artist!

I have been very thrilled to see that my blogs about Norah the World Class Psychic have caused many people to be sceptical, and to reject her offers to psychically solve all their problems.

Just for fun, I replied again to her advert, using the same email address as before, but a different name. Guess what? I received exactly the same pile of horse- shit as before!

As if that’s not funny enough, she has started sending the very same “psychic predictioms” to someone called Nolan, at my email address!

BEWARE FOLKS!! Norah is a fraud, it’s plain and obvious! Do not send her money! You can continue to receive her emails if you want to see just how far she goes trying to separate you from your hard-earned bucks, but PLEASE don’t be tempted to pay her anything, or provide her with your bank account details!

If you are trying to get a refund from her, I suggest approaching your bank directly. I think your chances of getting a refund from the Frenchman who trades as Norah are remote, to say the least! I would love to hear from anyone who was successful…


Jenna the astrologer tries to sell me her “reiki grid”


It’s quite a lot of fun to subscribe to an astrologer’s newsletter, to see how far they will go to sell you their particular brand of bullshit.

A while ago I subscribed to Jenna, at Naturally, she was SO PLEASED I contacted her, because she could instantly feel a strong connection to me. (The connection is so strong she doesn’t realise I’ve given her a false name, address and date of birth!)

Of course, “Jenna” is not a real person, just a name given to a marketing ploy. My responses to her “amazing” predictions about my future and assumptions about my life (ie “You’re a DAMN FRAUD, Jenna!”) were countered by “It’s so nice to hear from you Dear, I would love to help you but I need you to pay me first.”

So, I gave up trying to get a reaction and just allowed “her” to continue sending me emails, to see how silly it would get….. I was not disappointed 🙂

On May 10th I received another long, friendly, and very personal e-mail, telling me how wonderful I am, and how close she feels to me, how focussed she is on me, how she will always be at my service and be my very best friend.

AND, because she loves me so much (or at least, the person I’m pretending to be), she has made a very special Crystalline Reiki Grid for me. In her own words:

I want you to know that all of my attention and my vigilance is focused on you and I will always be at your service. I will not hesitate to tell you if a certain change or significant event is set to occur in your personal astrological configuration. Cherise, you can fully count upon my devotion. I will be here for you and I will be your friend and your astrologer.

I really wanted to produce a ‘Crystalline Reiki Grid’ for you, a grid which comes from a very ancient technique which I have now been using for a number of years with a great deal of success. I began this work very recently. This work aims at producing a very beneficial and positive magnetic influence and brings protection, chance and opportunity to the focus of of it’s energy through the interaction of a range of powerful precious stones. There is no magic or sorcery in all of this. We now know that magnetism exists as it has been proved by scientific techniques and it is certain that this energetic field can have extremely beneficial effects. The technique of the grid has existed for thousands of years and is extremely efficient. To give you a little more idea about what this means, the Grid is a way of arranging stones in a sacred geometric pattern. What is great about the Grid is that this pattern is then activated by a connection with a ‘line of light’ through the stones so that they radiate an energy field which then reaches out to the person the grid is destined for. I normally offer this work to those of my correspondents which I feel closest to and to those I want to bring very strong positive energy. Today Cherise this means you. To make this grid work properly for you and so that you get the best out of it’s influence, all you need to do is to concentrate on the photo which I have attached to this email. The grid will then be ‘activated’.

And here is the Grid:

I can see some quartz, and some other bits of rock, one or two of which may be ferrous, and therefore magnetic, placed around a two-coloured crayon pattern drawn with a compass. The note on the right refers to energy (always a dead give-away they don’t have a f*cking clue what they’re talking about), colour frequencies, vitality, balance and, of course, CHAKRAS!

The “line of sight” through the stones is supposed to generate the “magnetic energy field” that’s going to reach out and change my life when I concentrate on this accumulation of Scratch Patch left-overs. Really? How does that work EXACTLY?

I keep looking at it, but nothing is happening. Why not? Because some guy’s hastily assembled, badly photographed, badly written bit of woo is not going to convince any rational person of its magical powers, that’s why not!

Are there really people who buy into this utter crap? How crazy do you have to be to think there is some method a handful of common stones arranged on a kid’s drawing can generate an “energy field”? And then, assuming that “energy field” is activated and streaming at you from your PC or iPad’s screen, how exactly does it vitalise, balance and energise your chakras – which are themselves a load of self-delusional bullshit?

Just for the record, for those who aren’t already aware of the basic facts of reality and live in some fuzzy world where placebos rule their lives:

  • bits of stones do not generate energy fields, unless they are magnetic or radioactive
  • a magnetic field around a piece of iron is of very limited size (unless it’s a HUGE magnet) and such a field cannot and will not radiate out and change your life
  • there’s no such thing as a sacred grid. The above is a simple geometric drawing a 6-year-old could do without any difficulty. The “sacredness” is in the head of the humans who invented it.
  • staring at this picture may relax you, take your mind off your troubles for a while, even make you feel good if you are that way inclined. It will NOT change your environment or your life – you have to do that for yourself.
  • chakras are not real.

The bottom line, once again, is you should not be taken in by people claiming to be able to help you change your life with astrology, chakra-healing, reiki-healing, aura-healing or any other “alternative” ideology. They count on people’s hopes and dashed dreams to make themselves a nice little profit out of your gullibility.

Your life will only change, if you need it to, when you take control and make the changes happen for yourself.


I would like to repeat something I wrote in my post about Auras:

Try living each day as though it might be your last and ENJOY IT!  Love deeply and strongly; appreciate the kindness you receive, and give as much as you can in return; learn about the real world so you can understand why things happen – and tackle your problems head-on, instead of cowering behind irrationality;  be compassionate towards your fellow Earthlings – human and animal. Most of all – LOVE YOURSELF! Appreciate yourself, you are actually a Good Person :-)

Breatharianism: Just a lot of “hot air.”

Inedia (or Breatharianism) describes a person who does not eat or drink – ever.

These persons claim to live on prana (the highly energetic condensation of light.) This is apparently only possible when one has reached a higher state of Consciousness. It is supposed to be a step on the way to attaining perfection on the path of spiritual self-development.

This is a religious tradition – certain Catholic saints, Buddhists and Hindus claimed to have gone for long periods without any form of nutrition, and survived.

In the case of the Catholics, they apparently ate only the eucharist (the bread and wine that represent the body and blood of Christ.) As they were obviously eating something, we can count them out of this discussion.

The famous Buddhist example is Ram Bahadur Bomjon, who wanders around followed by strings of devotees, sits in pits and meditates, and apparently does not eat.

Discovery Channel filmed Ram for 96 hours continuously and did not observe him eat or drink (or move) during that time. Ram did not show any signs of dehydration, even though a normal person would die from kidney failure after four days without fluids.

In Hinduism, there are accounts of saints who “live by the rays of the moon and sun.” (Impossible in the case of the Moon as it does not emit its own light, it merely reflects the light of the sun and the earth.)


More modern examples, such as Therese Neumann (another Catholic who allegedly survived for years on nothing but wafers and alcohol – big deal, that is not air!), Prahlad Jani (65 years without food – just the nectar dripping from his palate…sounds like a serious case of post-nasal drip) and Wiley Brooks.

74-year old Mr Brooks is a nutcase of a particularly high order. The Breatharian Institute of America site promotes Mr Brooks’ seminars “The Empowered Ascension” and “Immortality” workshops.” For a mere USD 1 000 000.00 Mr Brooks will explain to you how you can clear your past life karma and negative energies, in preparation for the Ascension which will occur in March 2013.

I wish these crackpots would coordinate their dates…..exactly WHEN is the world going to end? Can SOMEONE give me a definite date please??

The list of famous Breatharians is fairly long, and the philosophy is a whole pile of New Age-y religious crap. The book “Life Style without Food” by Joachim M Werdin, downloaded for free, makes for very disturbing reading. Why does anyone buy into this delusional nonsense?

In the cases that were tested, like Jani, the observations were made over days, not years. I will concede that if a person is well-nourished they could survive for a few days without food and water, longer with some water.

It is impossible for a human being to simply decide to change from being a food-eater to a light-energy synthesiser. You can wish, and wish, and lie to yourself as much as you like – but you just can’t do it, sorry. After a few days you will need some water if you don’t want to die.  And after a few more days, you will have to eat some food.

Or you will start to look like this:

And after that, you probably will die, as some who have tried this Consciousness Raising Exercise have done already. People who encourage others to follow these insane ideas tend to deny responsibility for the deaths that occur.

They say that you must take responsibility for your own life – so if you read their book and believe their claims that you will reach a higher cosmic dimension if you sit and stare at the sun without food or water for days at a time, and you ultimately die, it’s your OWN FAULT!

Back in the real world, the cult of Breatharianism has been debunked – thoroughly, and not just once. A quick google search throws up dozens of examples. James Randi has been especially effective at demonstrating that Breatharians are lying about living on light – they eat and drink. You just don’t get to see them do it.

I feel sorry for people who are so desperate for a better existence they would try something like Breatharianism. The recent case of the Swiss woman who starved herself to death in this way  proves that this is an ongoing problem. Only rational thinking and education will put an end to these dangerous ideas.

World Class Psychic – a true story

My previous blog posts about Norah the “Psychic” (January Archive) seem to have struck a painful chord with some people.

In particular, one gentleman contacted me with a very unhappy story, which I will relate below (I have asked his permission to share this):

Joe (not his real name) is a pensioner. He suffered the tragic loss of his wife on Christmas Eve 2009. They had been married for 42 years. When she passed away, he was devastated, and felt there was a huge gap in his life that he just couldn’t fill.

Joe saw Norah’s advert on the internet, and responded in the hope that Norah would help him to find a way to get nearer to his deceased wife. He was desperate, lonely and in a very vulnerable state.

Like many of us, he received Norah’s seemingly heartfelt, personal communications, and like many people he was taken in by her promises.

Joe bought everything Norah asked him to buy, was deceived into spending almost all of his money on expensive “essential” purchases, and then after 10 months her “help” abruptly stopped.

He is now penniless except for a state pension, and at this writing he is in hospital. His words to me were: “How can what this woman does be legal?”

Joe, my heart goes out to you! To lose someone you have loved for most of your life, and then to be taken advantage of by this unscrupulous psychic in such a cold and heartless way….. 

Unfortunately, Norah’s first, and most exciting, email has a very tiny disclaimer printed on the bottom which states:

The information provided on Premium and in my readings, e-mails, e-books, or other materials you might receive from, is for entertainment purposes only. Obviously, we cannot guarantee the accuracy of astrological or divinatory information, and we are not responsible for how you interpret or apply it.

If you are struggling with serious problems, including chronic illness, mental instability, or legal issues, please consult with your local registered health care or legal professional as soon as possible.

In other words, please use common sense. Please also carefully read the full Terms of Service. (Emphasis mine)

This disclaimer appears AFTER no less than eight invitations to you, dear reader, to “Click Here Now” and navigate AWAY from the page with the disclaimer to register for “THE MOST COMPLETE, DETAILED AND PRECISE ASTRAL READING OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE”. Promises of great wealth falling into your lap during your once-in-a-lifetime Transit Period, which is due to start is just a few weeks! *Gasp*

If you do manage to persevere all the way to the bottom of the page without being dazzled by the promises of luck, wealth, love and happiness, and click on the “Terms of Service” link you get a very definite re-statement of the disclaimer, and much much more…. Boy, these people are not taking any chances!

So, Joe, I’m sorry to say, I don’t think there’s much chance you’ll ever get your money back from this World Class con artist…..

Please let this serve as a warning to anyone else who is contemplating getting involved with psychics and astrologers. They are only in it for the money. They don’t care about you, no matter what their slick marketing says.

Norah KNOWS she’s duping people. She says it’s “obvious” that astrological and psychic readings should not be taken as anything but mere entertainment…..

Telling you to “use your common sense” in the same breath as she’s telling you to believe the biggest load of BULLSHIT is just so cynical, it makes me ill.

Auras – another way to heal?

I have a young friend (who shall remain nameless), who is firmly convinced he can see people’s Auras –  a colourful glow, like a halo, emanating mainly from the head but sometimes from the entire body. My friend has to concentrate really hard, staring at someone intently for a minute or two, until the Aura appears.

Now I don’t know about you, but that sounds exactly like a simple after-image to me – like when you stare at a green dot on a piece of white paper for about a minute, then look away and see a red or pink after-image which gradually fades away. It’s a very common optical illusion caused by retinal fatigue and other natural processes related to the visual system and the brain.

Stare at the green dot for 30 seconds, and then look at a blank white wall.

When I mentioned this possibility, my young friend gave me a “Look” and told me he had once seen a man at an ice-rink who was surrounded by a huge, multicoloured, pulsating aura – and that was no after-image!

So, what exactly are Auras, why do some people claim to be able to see them, and what significance do they have – if any?

Auras are yet another New Age phenomenon – an “electromagnetically-generated” colourful series of outlines that emanate from all living creatures, from bugs to bears and everything in-between, and reflect the metaphysical life force / energy /chi / soul or whatever you decide to call it.

Human auras are said to be generated by the chakras – 7  flower-shaped or wheel-like “energy structures” within the human body. These are strategically located – outside the head, between the eyes (the “third eye”), in the throat, the heart, the navel, the last bone of the spine, and the “tip of the sexual organ.” (Here we go again – it’s so MALE-centered! What happens if my sexual organ doesn’t have a tip? I’m a woman – we aren’t built like that!)

You will notice that they are illustrated in order exactly corresponding to the colours of the rainbow – red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet – with the Indigo corresponding to the third eye. I wonder if this has anything to do with “Indigo Children”? An interesting question I will leave for another post!

Apparently you need Special Psychic Powers to be able to see Auras (I bet Norah has it down to a fine art!)

Robert Bruce, an Aura Expert, says:

The human aura is both an energy field and a reflection of the subtle life energies within the body. These energies make us what we are and in turn are affected by our surroundings and life style. The aura reflects our health, character, mental activity and emotional state. It also shows disease – often long before the onset of symptoms.

And exactly HOW do we read an Aura? By the pretty colours! Bright Yellow is Sunny and Exhilarating, Green is for Healing and Teaching, Blue is Peaceful and Contemplative, and so on. Actually, that’s a bit too specific – there is rough agreement on what the primary colours mean, but the more subtle colours are largely left up to the psychic’s imagination.

Assuming you think you may be clairvoyant, how do you conduct an Aura Healing Session?

  • It is best to work in daylight, and to remove your crystals from the room because they may interfere with the electromagnetic field of the aura. (Good idea to turn off the Telly too.)
  • Stand your subject in front of a white background, and look at their side – left or right side, it doesn’t matter
  • After a while you will start to see their electromagnetic energies as “wavy lines of energy”
  • You may notice two or three colours in the aura. You can use your own intuition to decide what those colours mean – there are no hard and fast rules, so you can gaily make it up as you go along. You will undoubtedly still get paid.
  • If you notice any holes in the aura, these may indicate illness, or “imbalance” in the subject’s body
  • Feel free to take a wild guess as to what that illness might be, and inform your subject that they have an emotional problem that is causing this illness
  • Ask them if they are willing to be healed – at the soul level first – if not, the problem with the aura will revert back to a different part of their body
  • Assuming you have laid it on thick, and they acknowledge that their soul is indeed sick, you can start moving your hands around slowly in their aura field, mingling your aura with theirs
  • This will balance their chi / life force / energy field / soul and heal whatever was ailing them
  • Or not.
  • Be careful not to give any guarantees that this “healing” will actually heal anything – a clever disclaimer in fine print at the bottom of your advertising is normally sufficient.

So, the question is – are these people simply deranged, or is there evidence that auras exist and can tell us what the psychics say they can?

I have a few problems with the whole concept:

  • The aura-generating chakra structures have never been found or demonstrated to exist is any way. Yes, I know people have believed in them in one form or another for centuries – but that doesn’t make them actually, physically REAL. Attempts to link the chakras to the human endocrine system (as suggested by the famous psychic Edgar Cayce) have never been verified.
  • Chi / life force / body energy fields have likewise never been shown to be anything other than imaginary. Remember, widespread belief is no guarantee that it’s actually THERE. (The same applies to the myriad gods people have ardently believed in and fought wars over for millennia.)
  • The electromagnetic fields in the human body are tiny, they don’t protrude beyond the body, and there is no evidence they can be interpreted as indicating anything about one’s personality or state of health. They are simply the result of natural biological processes: nerve impulses and your beating heart.
  • If there was an internally-generated electromagnetic field around your body, you couldn’t use a hand-held compass – and yet clearly you can!
  •  Visual phenomena such as auras can be explained without resorting to the  supernatural or metaphysical.
  • Photos of auras can be faked, or generated using galvonometers or Kirlian photography (which both react to moisture on the skin.) Here is an excellent explanation, by Joe Nickell of CSI.

In all my reading and exploration of subjects such as auras, labyrinths, astrology, psychics, religion  and so on, it has become very clear to me that many people are searching for control of their lives.

We live in a rapidly changing world, with so much happening that affects us, but that we cannot control. Climate change, economic recessions, poverty, pollution, natural disasters, viral pandemics…

Are these irrational belief systems not just a way of coping? Trying to bury one’s head in the sand and hoping it will all just go away? It seems to me that people are trying so hard to divorce themselves from reality because the hard truth about our existence is too much for them:

  • the fact that medical care and hospitalisation is expensive and sometimes unsuccessful, and that there are some diseases we don’t yet have a cure for – so they reject scientific medicine and instead pray for divine intervention, or turn to reiki, aura healing, chakra therapy, reflexology, magnetic therapy and the like. (Isn’t it hilarious that when they’re in a car accident, or have a heart attack or a stroke they are 100% in favour of scientific medicine!)
  • the fact that their parent, partner or child is dead – so they go to a psychic to try to contact them, or get comfort from the idea that they will see that person again in Heaven. (They never consider that their Loved One may have ended up in that other religious invention – Hell)  (Hell must be a very empty place – all those demons sitting around playing cards, picking their teeth with their pointy sticks… )
  • the fact that they have no control over what could happen in the future – so they turn to astrology, reading their horoscope every day for “guidance” pulled out of someone’s backside
  • the fact that they will inevitably die – so they turn to religion in the hope of an afterlife (in Heaven of course, never in Hell)

All of the above will cost you time and money, and will not make a jot of difference. You may feel better, but nothing will have really changed….

I have a suggestion:

Try living each day as though it might be your last and ENJOY IT!  Love deeply and strongly; appreciate the kindness you receive, and give as much as you can in return; learn about the real world so you can understand why things happen and tackle your problems head-on, instead of cowering behind irrationality;  be compassionate towards your fellow Earthlings – human and animal. Most of all – LOVE YOURSELF! Appreciate yourself, you are actually a Good Person 🙂

You can do all of these things without help from any gods, or psychics, or quacks. You can do them because you WANT to – not to score points towards an eternal reward, or to avoid an eternal punishment.

And when you are on your last legs you will be able to look back at your life and smile – free from worry over those non-existent demons, and happy in the knowledge that you won’t have to spend eternity worshipping a megalomaniac egotist with a seriously sadistic streak!

Norah, the Word Class Psychic – Revisited

In the weeks since I wrote my blog on Norah, the World Class Psychic, I have had many readers tell me they received exactly the same “reading” from Norah, and that my blog post prompted them to NOT take up her offer for further “readings.”

Up till then, they were actually considering it….

OK guys and gals, here’s the thing – these people are FRAUDS! You need to realise that simple fact.

ALL astrologers, clairvoyants, psychics and the like are frauds! Please don’t allow yourself to be duped by these people…

Let’s apply a little rational thinking to Astrology:

First of all, what exactly ARE the stars and planets that astrologers claim dictate your future, health, wealth and sex life?

Stars are huge balls of hydrogen and helium gas that burn by thermonuclear fusion, producing light and heat that radiates away into outer space, warming any nearby planets and their inhabitants. At the end of a star’s natural life, after it has exhausted all its nuclear fuel and converted its light elements into heavier elements, it may explode as a mighty supernova, blasting its contents into the interstellar medium, and leaving behind a dim white dwarf star or neutron star.


Some time later, those very elements may be drawn into the gravitational influence of a newly coalescing baby star, and form a family of rocky or gaseous bodies in orbits around the new star – planets.

There is nothing mystical or supernatural about stars or planets. They are composed of 100% natural, easily verified substances. If you doubt this, step outside and pick up a handful of soil. What is it made of? Small stones and sand and the composted remains of plants and animals. Those stones and sand may be made up of quartz, silica, bits of volcanic rock and sedimentary deposits…. There will be dead bugs, earthworm poop, dead leaves and twigs and any number of other organic substances. So far, nothing mysterious or supernatural, right?

The ground beneath your feet, all the way through to the ground beneath the feet on the other side of the Earth, is made of absolutely bog standard soil, rocks, magma, iron, and so on (consult the Periodic Table of the Elements for the rest.)

The same applies to the other planets in our Solar Family. They have those same substances in different proportions, depending on how they formed about 4.5 billion years ago. Those closer to the Sun are rockier, because the heavier elements were drawn closer in by the gravity of the newly formed star, and those further out are gassier, because they are made mostly of lighter elements.

Carl Sagan famously pointed out that we are ALL made of star-stuff… I think that is one of the most amazing, thought-provoking things I have ever heard!

As far as we can tell, most of the stars and planets in the universe are made of roughly the same elements. There is nothing mysterious or odd about them – they are just simple physical objects in 3-dimensional space and time. (We won’t discuss back holes, string theory and the multi-verse today! Let’s keep it nice and simple…)

So why do some of you think that these common physical objects, made of gasses and rocks and ice, have some magical or supernatural influence on your lives?

Is it their gravitational influence due to their relative position at the moment of your birth? Stop and ask yourself one simple question: How can that possibly influence the decisions you make today, and every day?

It’s not gravity that makes you decide whether to start smoking, whether to take drugs because your buddies are taking them, whether to marry this man or that woman, whether to enrol at university or go out and get a job – you make those decisions for yourself, or on the advice of the people you trust.

Every decision YOU make determines, to some extent, the future course of your life.

And, you have to define what you mean by “moment of birth.” Is it when your mother starts going into labour, when you are in the birth canal, when your head first crowns, when you emerge, or when the doctor slaps your bottom and you take your first breath? Those events can span 24 hours or more, during which time the sun, moon and planets’ relative positions will have changed quite a bit.

Why is your time of birth more auspicious than your time of conception? Surely when you first form as a human entity is just as important as when you emerge to start breathing air? What about when your heart takes its first little beat?

Which moment do you imagine the lump of rock  hundreds of millions of kilometres away thinks is the most important?

Again, you need to question the assumption that a star or planet’s relative position to another star or planet at any time in the past can make any difference to the decisions you take every day. The Earth itself has the greatest gravitational influence on all of us – if it didn’t we would all fly away into outer space. The distant planets’ gravitational pull is minute, almost non-existent, by comparison, and yet the Earth plays almost no part in Astrology! Have they just not thought to include the most important planet of all?

What about recently discovered planets outside our Solar System? They should also have some astrological significance, shouldn’t they? There are literally HUNDREDS of them, and more being discovered every week – the astrological charts are going to get a wee bit more complicated, methinks!

Artist's conception of one of the new exo-planets (Kepler)

Are you starting to think it’s all a bit implausible? I hope so, because the next step is to ask yourself why only certain people, such as Norah, have a hot-line to what that rocky or gaseous body thinks is in your future? How do they receive that information, and from whom? Can stars and planets speak? In English? In all the languages of all the astrologers on Earth? That’s pretty smart for a heap of iron or a ball of gas!

Or, do they receive the information internally, telepathically, without words? Really? Again, how and from whom? Is a star or a planet really a supernatural being? Is there any evidence of such an outlandish idea? Absolutely none! We know precisely what stars and planets are, how they form, how they evolve and how they die. No supernatural beings involved – sorry!

Astrology does not make any testable hypothesis and offers no suggestions as to how it is supposed to operate. As such, it cannot be falsified, and is considered to be a pseudo-science. It describes natural events in terms of supernatural causes, so like religion it relies on the faith of believers in the face of all directly contradictory evidence.


Isn’t it FAR more likely that astrologers are fooling you so they can make money out of you? They count on the average person’s ignorance of astronomy, fear of the future, desire for control over their lives, and I’m sorry to have to say it, gullibility.

People like Norah know that even if only 5% of the “free readings” they send out result in a $79 sale of books and magical nonsense, they will still make enough to live on. They know full well that they are lying to you, and yet they callously continue to prey on your hopes and fears – all to make a quick and easy Buck!

I truly hope that if you believe in astrology, I have given you some food for thought.

I hope you will not send any of your hard-earned money to an astrologer or to any other charlatan. If you get tempted, drop me an e-mail and I will do my best to talk you out of it!

Poll: Norah the “World Class Psychic”

Norah, the World Class Psychic, tells my fortune

A few days ago, just for a laugh, I responded to an online advert for a personal astrological reading by Norah, the World Famous Astrologer/Psychic.

I used a false name, gave my date of birth (I could tell you too, but then I’ll have to kill you) and said I wanted to know about the money in my future.

Sure as nuts, a day later I received an email from Norah, personally, with the startling admission that she was “overwhelmed by intense revelations” when she began to focus on my specific case. A more gullible person might have thought “Ooohh, I wonder what she saw in my future that was so overwhelming?”

I, on the other hand, thought “Oh yeah?”

The link provided by my new “Devoted Friend Norah” took me to the most bizarre, woo-infested missive I have ever read (and I have read a few….*sigh*….)

Apparently I am about to enter my Transit Period, starting Monday 30th January, and going on for another 77 days. During this time I will finally have the ability to attract the abundance I deserve, and shake off the Dark Cloud that has been preventing me from gaining eternal luck and happiness, especially in the fields of Love and Money.

It seems I had asked her for help just in time, because these Transit Periods only happen once or twice in a lifetime per individual, and mine is about to happen due to the influence of my “heavenly body” Venus, and the number 4. (How does SHE know about my Heavenly Body…..?)

Dear Norah, in her meditations and deep personal connection to me, sensed that there has been some Evil pursuing me since childhood, and that I have had one problem after another, especially concerning money.

After a short, generalised, feel-good “analysis” of my character – only the nice things you would say to butter someone up – she hit me with the whole point of this ridiculous charade: she wants my money!

If I am to get the best of the Great Change that is about to overtake my life, sort out my money problems and my love-life, all I have to do is hand over $79 for my Complete Detailed Astral Reading (plus three freebies worth $280 which will allow me to cultivate my Own Extra-Sensory Abilities).

AND, just to top off this incredible life-changing offer:

Along with your “TRANSIT PERIOD GUIDE TO LUCK AND HAPPINESS” you’ll receive,as a free gift on top of the $280 worth of bonuses that I have already described: “MY MAGIC WISH-FULFILLING PENTACLE”.

This Pentacle seems to be impregnated with a mysterious secret that contains POWERFUL ASTRAL FORCES. It is reputed to trigger the RAPID REALIZATION OF YOUR SECRET WISHES. Many men and women who have had the privilege of owning a MAGIC PENTACLE during a period of luck, have seen their SECRET WISHES come true, often in less than 7 days. It is urgent that you use it as quickly as possible, so that you are prepared for THE GREATEST CHANGE YOU HAVE EVER KNOWN IN YOUR LIFE.

A Magic Pentacle! What the hell is a Pentacle? Off to Wikipedia: “A pentacle is an amulet used in magical evocation, generally made of parchment, paper or metal…. on which the symbol of a spirit or energy being invoked is drawn”.

Nice! Is she going to send me a paper gold star with a dollar sign drawn on it?

Those who know me well will know that by that stage I was nearly paralysed with boredom by the whole Norah marketing machine. Not to mention the obvious wrongness of her deep, psychic insights into my life: I am extremely happily married to a man I have loved deeply for years, I have a FANTASTIC, well-paid job, loads of money, precious friends and family, a stimulating intellectual life, interesting hobbies… I could not be happier or more content if I wore a pentacle ;-p

I clicked “unsubscribe” and a day later received a response from someone called Pat, telling me I would not receive any further communications from Norah and politely asking whether there was anything else they could help me with? I responded that they could help me, and the rest of the world, by not publishing such blatant Bullshit. They should be ashamed of themselves. Gullible people might actually believe it and make decisions based on it – decisions that could be harmful or cost them money – just because some mass-mailed “psychic reading” told them to.

Don’t they have a conscience?

Astrology, for those who don’t already know it, is not true. The planets do not influence your life. The Gynaecologist who delivered you had a stronger gravitational influence on you at that moment than the relative angle of the planets that happened to be overhead at the time.

Astrologers were mightily embarrassed when it was discovered that the Earth actually revolved around the Sun, and when new planets (other than the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn) were discovered that they had not taken into account in their charts (Neptune, Uranus and Pluto). Do only certain “planets” (including the Sun and the Moon!) influence humans, and not others? Why not? How could the astrological charts have been right up until then?

Psychics can’t sense your problems from the other side of the world. If any one psychic had any “extra-sensory” ability, they would have accepted the Million Dollar Challenge and proved it.

Not one psychic has EVER demonstrated real extra-sensory abilities under controlled conditions. It’s easy to do it on stage, with common magic tricks, and an assistant in the audience communicating with you through your “hearing aid”. That’s not to say no psychic will EVER demonstrate that ability under controlled conditions – but if Norah is an example of a World Class Psychic, then I don’t hold out much hope…..

Fortunately, if I didn’t realise my Earth-shattering Potential with Norah’s Reading, the Extra-Sensory Help Pack and my Magic Pentacle within 30 days, there was a 100% money-back guarantee – now that’s a psychic prediction I CAN believe in!